Never been one to let the carrier drop

I was pondering donating to both political parties.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m a democrat insofar as I can identify at all with the centerist group o’ people that run the country. However, it has occured to me that the two parties *need* each other.

They need that tension to help evolve the best ideas. Hopefully in their best days they’re like black & white hats at defcon.. aware of the fact that it’s a chess game rather than a war, or should be. In our worst days, we do awful things to people we think are “the enemy”. But increasingly I’m finding that I think the real enemy is within us all – our own worst thinking, our own darkest thoughts, the demon within. The key to a successful life is to figure out how to simultaneously love and disarm the enemy. I think some very wise chinese dude said “Whenever possible, always leave room for your enemy to become your friend”.

I mean, the virtualization paradox hits me where I live no matter what I’m doing. I’m aware of the fact that no matter what I do I’m participating in a reality that is generated inside my own head off a bunch of inputs that I know virtually nothing about. Now there are definitely things about my conscious experience that I love and things that I hate. But I’m also starting to understand that hating something and not doing anything to change it is contra-life behavior. And I’ve become profoundly interested in living rather than merely surviving.

With that, I think I shall make a gratitude and not-so-gratitude list 😉

So, for today, things I love:

*) Friends
*) Physical affection in all forms
*) Music
*) Hope
*) Computers
*) Networks
*) the inner network
*) the inner light
*) God by my current definition of same [“the best of all of us, in aggregate”]
*) Alternate points of view
*) Ideas
*) Cars
*) Connections
*) Good dreams
*) Sanity
*) That my mind has a debugger
*) The person in my mind that has been walking me through using the debugger among other things [You know who you are ;-)]
*) Skating
*) Bowling
*) Dancing / raves
*) Saving throws
*) NASA
*) Voyager I
*) The wikipedia
*) Google
*) Facebook
*) 6 flags
*) roller coasters
*) being eternal
*) CAbi, you guys rocked my world and finally helped me find my way
*) Epoch, you guys rocked my world and made it not matter so much I was lost
*) Hacker Shack, you guys rocked my world and made me see different could be beautiful
*) America the beautiful, long may she live [Especially Seattle and Los Angeles and Woodbridge and Paonia and Rochester, NY and Akron, OH, my true homes thus far]
*) The interstates
*) Finding out your bottom is a U-turn.
*) The commercial flight network [You guys do a AWESOME job!]
*) Angels
*) Solutions
*) Sex, and the moment of beauty and sanity that follows
*) Happy endings.. well, um, there are no endings, but happy moments
*) Knowing who I would invite to my island
*) Knowing what my three wishes would be
*) Knowing my base class
*) The moment when I realized the world engine had to have better tech than the tech exposed in the world, which was already pretty tanj impressive
*) The moment when I realized [Thank you eVicky!] that I *AM* information technology
*) Everyone who’s ever been proud to wear the label “Slut”.. WE RULE! they just don’t get it yet.
*) Too many people to name here, but obvious includes would be (in no particular order for the most part) Gayle, Vicky, Kamran, Shepherd, Lara, Geincarlo, Jessica, Tavian, Samual, Amy, Brian L, Clint, my parents, my uncles & aunts, my grandparents [Good luck and Godspeed, Anne! Bill, Mary, I hope you know I love you always.. ], James, Brenda, Andy, Adrian, Lucas, Joan, Martin H., Linnea H., Brett, Kris S., Kelli, Daniel T, Kristy M., Heather M., Jill C., Liccie, Scott & Cori, Woody, Bunne, Loha, Carol L., Carla B., Christopher L., Caeser R., Dennis, Big D, Jerry, Kent L., Tim C., Jen S., Phoebe, Nicka, JL, Tamex, Jarad, Nancy W., Diane B., Deena, Craig W., Lee H., Courtney, Nathaniel [Good luck figuring it out, kid! I think I’m getting pretty close to cracking it, hope it takes you a lot less time or the time it does take you is so beautiful you don’t mind], Vinnie, Raven, Jeff S., Josh R., Spider R., Robert H., Bill W., Anne M., my cousins especially Brock, Chad D., Jesiah M., Debbie, Sabrina, Justin, Miranda, John A., Barack O., Jim M., Becky, Ant, Nathan, Kitsune, Pretzel, Woman, Dorn & Diane, Brad H., Scott P., Tamerisk, Abby, Eve, Mei, Sarah & Sarah, Carolyn, Brian & Brandon, David K., Peter, Grace H., Cygnostik, Heather, Daniel S., Ness, Molina-Petrokia, Scott G, Bill B., Azam, Manticore, Jen W., Ryan (Chief! way too long since we hung!), John G., Anne G., Jim C., Alex, Tory, Mike M., Art D., Bruce D., Krissy, Merlin, John S., Mara, Kayti [Thank you for the U-turn!], Autumn, Rebel, Daisy, Heidi, Allie, Hollie, Owen K., Trish S., Cy B., Al E. [SPEBSQSA], Rich R., Bruce S., Linda S., Tristan S., Wikkid, Bewitch/Melinda, Sara, Mike L., Rick, Steve S., Mike B., Powell H., Trisha, Big Sam, Edie, Shahada, Paul G, Ron [such lovely trance], Jennifer [even though I really could have used about 1000x less threats and violence from you], Even H., Aaron H., the girl from ASP with the bread, Amy Ann, Cyndi E., Sally A., Elizibeth R. [When the future is conquered it will be by wanted fans..], Felyne [I love you so much], Dr. Nick [I would LOVE to have the discussion we were having the night of your father’s death NOW! I’d have a LOT more to say 😉 and I bet so would you], Jeremy, Jo O., Allemande, Shorty, Mani/Alia, the OTHER Alia, Brandi, everyone who ever helped me build myself up, all the teachers near and far who helped me learn to love the truth, and all the many musicians who help light up my life every day and the many engineers [including myself] that built both the system this runs on, and the system that helped me understand the system this runs on.

And that’s not even getting into the many “fictional” characters that helped me along my way, most importantly Friday [thank you so much for all you gave me!], but also Mike the computer and Mike the martian, Lous Wu, the Hindmost, Mike Callahan the bartender, Lara and Gwen, Rincewind [my brotha!], Jillian, Mother [Cattle mutilations are up this year], Ray and Egon, the DJ from Treme who played in the Brassy Knoll, Maeby and George Micahel, Picard, Data, Guynan, the Doctor of course [EVERYBODY LIVES, ROSE! EVERYBODY LIVES!], Troi, Dr. House [I hope you finally turned your skills inward as I did], Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle, Scooby and Shaggy, Bo and Luke, Kit, Mr. Feeny [I loved every one of you..], Topenga, Cory, Max, the flight controller from Pushing Tin, everyone from the Goonies, Doc and Marty and Einstien from BTTF, everyone from Fallen Angels, the crew at Dream Park, and most especially

And the crews around the world that keep things going, including everyone who helped build the internet even a little bit, everyone who helped build 6 flags, everyone who ever stood between what they thought was the dark and what they thought was the light [Semper Fi!], everyone who helped build the fine planes that ply the sky every night [Boeing, Airbus, and Cessna, special mentions to you for all you did for us in helping our souls take flight again], all the fine men and women of Honda, the crew at Google [Keep dreaming, and keep doing it!], Facebook [you got EVERYONE in!], Wikipedia [You changed the world on a shoestring and in a amazing way], every one who made sure we had food to eat, clean water to drink, and power to keep the dream alive, Hollywood for all you do to keep us climbing and dreaming bigger and higher, Jim Henson and your crew for reminding us that we are a part of everything we dream, Sting and U2 for keeping it so real, everyone who has ever thrown or worked at a rave or concert for helping to teach the world about vibe and open our eyes to the truth, the Seahawks for kicking so much ass and helping me believe in my city, all the people at Wells Fargo for helping restore my faith in banks caring about their customers, Sprint – and all the wireless carriers and the riggers and engineers – for keeping us all connected when we want to be no matter where we are – we give you a lot of abuse but we LOVE what you’ve done, NASA for so many things I couldn’t possibly list them all, please don’t give up you can get another starship in the sky!

I’ve found that state where it’s possible to love everyone, at least for a little while.

And movie quotes that inspired me:

*) Maybe I can’t.. but WE can. [Hackers]
*) Too many secrets [Sneakers]
*) Welcome to my sky [Pushing Tin]
*) We tried giving you a perfect world, but your little minds wouldn’t accept it [The Matrix] [Give me another try. I think this time I can. ;-)]
*) Carpe Diem / Oh Captain my Captain [Dead Poet’s Society]
*) No dream is too great, and no dreamer too small [Turbo]
*) I don’t know what you’re doing, but you are DEFINITELY participating! [Sorcerer’s Apprentice]
*) [not a quote, but a moment] the moment where Eddie pours out the booze and throws the bottle in the air in Rodger Rabbit – his U turn
*) There’s only us, there’s only this, forget regret or life is yours to miss.. no other road, no other way.. no day but today [Rent]

Special mentions to some musicians:

*) Sting
*) U2
*) Pink Floyd
*) Styx
*) Simple Minds
*) Paul Van Dyk
*) Aarmin Van Burian
*) Jefferson Starship
*) Dire Straits
*) Simon & Garfunkel
*) When In Rome
*) Information Society
*) Indigo Girls
*) Melissa Etheridge [I RUN FOR LIFE! I still cry every time I play it. And Silent Legacy.. Remember how they taught you, how much of it was fear, refuse to hand it down.. the legacy stops here.]
*) REM
*) Counting Crows
*) Toad the Wet Sprocket
*) Seal [In a world full of people, only some want to cry, isn’t that crazy?]
*) Madonna
*) Lady Gaga [PUT YOUR PAWS UP! There’s nothing wrong with loving who you are.]
*) Eagles
*) Poison
*) Boston [Especially Walk on, a masterwork]
*) Amy Grant
*) Michael W. Smith [For one song.. friends. Thank you for writing how I feel.]
*) Emenim [and thank you for letting me channel you when I was most afraid sitting in a jail cell in SoCal.]
*) There’s so many more of you, and you’ve given us all so much.. and I’m going to be a part of you soon.. today a song I wrote helped lift someone else up, and I knew my destiny is real.

Every band I’ve ever been in, you all were truly the best

*) Disillusion
*) Mischief Committee
*) Fraud in france

Every band I’m going to be in in the future! 😉

And things I hate:

*) Money
*) Scarcity
*) Fear
*) Doubt
*) Shame
*) Guilt
*) The idea that I’ll never be worthy of love
*) The idea that I’ll never be good enough
*) Whatever happened in my childhood to shatter my mind
*) Physical pain
*) Being beaten up
*) Being hit
*) Being threatened
*) That my sister thinks I would ever use force or violence on her
*) Anyone else that thinks that, if there is anyone else that thinks that
*) Fear of fear, a cycle that seems like it will never end
*) The idea of ceasing to exist
*) Suicide
*) Mental illness
*) My inability to do either lucid dreaming or dream control
*) That the friend I want to talk to most doesn’t appear to want to talk to me “out here”
*) That I ever believed God would judge me and torture me forever
*) Misunderstandings
*) Wars
*) Fights
*) That I don’t have very good access to most of my memories
*) That my mind is damaged
*) My fear that the police are going to beat me, then throw me in a box where people will rape me over and over and throw away the key
*) My fear that the world is hostile even when it has been proven the majority of it is not
*) Irrational fears
*) Paranoia

If I were to log off of Earth today and connect to another world server.. I’d still be glad I came. It hurt, it was terrifying, it wasn’t quite what I wanted.. but it was still one freaking amazing work of art. Here’s to us, and let’s not stop just yet because I have a feeling the story is about to do something awesome..

To anyone still locked in the box, keep making it through.. do your time, don’t let your time do you.. and remember, the box you are locked in is INSIDE YOUR MIND! Once someone’s mind is really awake, not even a jail cell can contain them.

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