Never been one to let the carrier drop

Okay, so it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I don’t really have anything meaninful to say now, either, I’m just slacking.

I’m currently juggling the parking meter code, the next-generation battery balancing system (which I’m again putting noticible time into), my fusion project (which I’ve got other people putting noticable time into), and my everpresent attempts at creating music.

It’s been a month since I’ve smoked the greenage, and about six since I last smoked tobacco. (I don’t have any real interest in resuming tobacco, although I do have to admit that there are parts of weed I miss.)

I think the next addiction I’m going to give up is C&C/Generals. In fact, that might, from a wasted time category, make more sense than giving up weed.. since I still do productive and interesting things when I’m lit, but time spent blowing up computer-generated charicters is pretty much gone forever. Unless you think military strategy is something I’mg oing to need a lot of in the future – something that seems a wee bit inaccurate. Among other things, the physics model in C&C/gen needs some pretty noticable work – if it were actually to scale, the chinese nuke would wipe the entire map clean.. 😉

The real reason that I’m giving up weed for social events is, as observed recently, fear. I spend entirely too much of my time being afraid, but when I’m not under the influence, this fear doesn’t rule my actions and I can do risky things even while I’m afraid of them. When I’m lit, I’m much less inclined to take risks – and what success in my life I have thus far I owe completely to taking risks.

I had a good week.. P. was on spring break, and we spent it togeather, visiting her family and playing games and whatnot. We managed to get through the entire week with no horrid moments, which I suppose is encouraging for a possible reuinfication.. (as Bush says, I’m a unificator, not a dividificator). In any case, it was fun.

Sadly, my plans to go to Scott’s wedding and SoCal were scrubbed because of a data disaster.. a obscure bug in winCE ate 120,000 transactions on parking meters, and I had to build software to uneat them… Good clean fun, um, kind of..

Other than that, there’s very little to report in my life. I have a headache at the moment… that’s about it.

As usual, I think of lots of interesting and deep and meaningful thoughts to write down, and then when I actually get to the point of writing in my journal, I can’t think of any of them. It’s a conspiricy or something..

Oh, I will do a breif weed retrospective, since I promised I would and since it does seem worthwhile to marshell my thoughts on the matter.

I first smoked herb in the summer of 1995. The first few times I smoked it, it had no real effect on me. I understand this is not unusual. The third time I smoked it, I rather enjoyed the experience.

It definately makes me hear a lot more in music, and see a lot more meaning in everything and many more complex layers of meaning. It also makes me think about trends in my life from a longer perspective, and understand the big picture in a way that I’m not normally inclined to do. That is the primary reason that I continued to use it.

It also brings periods of almost transcendental happiuness, especially when combined with certain types of music. On the other hand, it also brings periods of extreme fear, inclines me not to talk to other people, and makes me even more clumsy than I already am, which is a pretty impressive stunt since I’m already pretty clumsy.

It occasionally provides me with a sense that there is a god, and I am talking to him/her/it (and sometimes, getting answers). Thus far I have considered this to be hallucinatory, although I’ve never gotten bad advice this way..

Is weed evil? No, I don’t think it is. Why have I not smoked for a month, and why am I seriously considering dropping it? Well, there are a few reasons.

First of all, it slows down your thinking for several weeks after use. That’s a awfully high price to pay for one night’s entertainment.

Second of all, it’s a carcenogen, just like tobacco. Okay, so you don’t use as much, it’s probably not as serious a risk, but still, cancer is cancer, and dead is dead..

Third of all, it makes it much harder for me to talk to other people. This is not something I need, believe me.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 29th, 2004 at 11:25 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.