Never been one to let the carrier drop

We’ve all seen the man at the liquor store beggin’ for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dreadlocked and full of mange
He ask the man for what he could spare with shame in his eyes
Get a job you fuckin’ slob’s all he replied

Chorus
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
‘Cause then you really might know what it’s like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it’s like (X4)

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don’t worry about a thing baby doll I’m the man you’ve been dreamin’ of
But three months later he said he won’t date her or return her call
And she sweared god damn if I find that man I’m cuttin’ off his balls
And then she heads for the clinic and she gets some static walkin’ through the doors
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner, and they call her a whore

Chorus
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
‘Cause then you really might know what it’s like to have to choose
Then you really might know what it’s like (X4)

I’ve seen a rich man beg
I’ve seen a good man sin
I’ve seen a tough man cry
I’ve seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I’ve seen the good side of bad
And the down side of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
Smoked the finest green
I stroked daddies dimes at least a couple of times
Before I broke there heart
You know where it ends
Yo, it usually depends on where you start

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late at night
Liked to get shit faced
And keep pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight
Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45
Talked some shit
And wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of his pain
You know it crumbles that way
At least that’s what they say when you play the game

Chorus
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
‘Cause then you really might know what it’s like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it’s like (X4)

To have to lose…

A interesting solution for finding otherwise unfindable formulas:

Generate all possible legal (language of your choice) programs of a set length (say, 2k)

Get access to a massively parallel computing array

Define success in well codified terms

Test them all.   

So, I put a 512M DIMM in QM, and it’s *still* swapping.. admittedly, I’m doing a lot more with it than I was six months ago, but when does it end? I’m going to try to find a 1G DDR DIMM for it and stick it in, which will give it 1.5G of RAM, which bloody well better be enough. I feel like I’m running into the computer equivilant of the junk-expands-to-fill-whatever-space-is-available effect. How could that machine possibly be using 700 megs of RAM? It’s a *web server*…

things I would like to buy, if money were no object

1) 2-CPU G4 for studio ($800)
2) 42″ LCD TV ($1500)
3) steam loco with sound ($300)
4) osbcene amounts of track ($300)
5) Honda Insight ($12,000)
6) New AC compressor, transmission rebuilt, timing belt changed, fuel gauged fixed on VW ($4000)
7) SP/DIF concentrator for studio w/ transformers ($650)
8) Saxophone ($250)
9) Sax lessons ($200/month)
10) Guitar lessons ($200/month)
11) subwoofer for office ($600)
12) chessie loco w/ sound and video sender ($350)
13) storage cubicle ($100/month)
14) newer sampler capable of reading old sample formats ($2000)
15) easy backup capability for sampler + recycle integration ($100)

Hm. That’s enough.

Projects I would like to do, if time were no object

1) Finish mixdown on Mike’s recordings
2) Dig up the Wheels recordings, import them into DP, remix them
3) Several songs that I’ve had running around my head, before I totally lose them
4) remote switch hardware for train set so don’t need wires going everywhere

Projects I want to be working on *now*

1) Practice with new groovebox, get to where I’m proficient enough to join a techno jam session with it if the oppertunity comes up
2) Score several songs for flute + keys, play w/ Kayti
3) MK3EB – finish it, get it in the car
4) SSS web site
5) find a good database driven resume generator or failing that write my own

Projects I don’t have any choice about working on (at this point)

1) Teachers@work migration (small)
2) Kanvas (huge)

People who I wish I talked to more: [in no particular order]

1) John
2) Mei [who doesn’t return calls or emails any more]
3) Chris M
4) Phoebe
5) Brian L
6) Alex
7) Tory
8) Gayle
9) Scott
10) Cori
11) Woody
12) Deadman
13) Josh M.
14) Mike M.
15) Bruce
16) Bhudda Alex
17) Blue
18) Martin H.
19) Brad H.
20) Kamran S. [Wouldn’t even know how to get in touch with him..]
21) Dorn + Dianne
22) Carla [another doesn’t respond to emails ;-)]
23) Nicka
24) Vinnie

I remember when I used to spend all my time chatting with people.. now I spend all my time coding, and while it’s fun, I feel kind of socially out of touch at times.

Music acts I would like to see – with no comments on how many times I’ve seen them before, or whether they’re even still touring

1) Jimmy Buffett
2) Journey
3) Styx
4) Tori Amos
5) Guns N Roses
6) Bruce Hornsby
7) Van Halen
8) Dire Straits
9) Pink Floyd
10) Elton John
11) Madonna
12) Prince
13) Indigo Girls [again and again.. ;-)]
14) REM
15) U2 [again and again.. ;-)]

Other things I’d like to do more of:

1) Skating
2) Bowling [I’m bad at it, but so what?]
3) Dancing
4) playing cards [Another thing I’m bad at, but it’s fun..]

I have this classic problem – because I want to talk about whatever’s on my mind in LJ, without having to hide it behind a friends tag, but there’s always the worry – especially when talking about how I was a drug addict for two years, or how I was a recreational drug user for a long time before that and may be again, or about the two mental disorders I have (ADD and bipolar).. there’s this concern that if any of these things became known, I wouldn’t be employable. One of them has already made me uninsurable, health-insurance wise. On the other hand, there’s this part of me that resents that I have to hide anything about myself. And part of me also suspects that everyone has a few skeletons rattling around in their closets.

I happen to think that I’m really good at systems integration. I’m not the best programmer in the world, but I’m not bad. I’m not the best EE geek in the world, but I can find my way around a PCB and I’m handy with a digital scope, and I know a fair amount about audio, and more than anyone should about rechargable batteries, and I learn new languages fast. I think that my strengths oughtweigh my skeletons – but I still worry.

So, I had the traditional ‘using dream’ last night – it was very unpleasent. I didn’t want to use, but I kept buying more and I came home and upset my lover by using six boxes in a row and I was sick and miserable and I knew that I had just blown my 133 days without making it past my record of 153..

I actually thought the dream was real until I finished awaking and realized that it was, indeed, just a dream. I’ve had other nitrous dreams, but never so detailed.

I find this time more than last that as I get further away from the drug, the idea of using it is more and more repellant – I have a clear memory of how I felt afterwords, the sickness – and how instead of bringing enlightenment at the end it only brought more confusion. I don’t think I am likely to return to being a nitrous addict, nor a nitrous user at all. As Alex said, when you get the message… hang up the phone.

I’m waiting until 365 days before I try anything, even alchohol – although I have been known to have a drink or two with friends under the right circumstances. But not enough to seriously affect my thinking.

In 2004 my new years resolution was to go a year without drugs [aside from caffine]. In 2006 I managed a year without cigs (and I’m still not smoking – that’s another one that’s repellent to me at the moment, although every once in a while when a friend lights up I’m tempted). 2007 I’m fairly certain will be a year without drugs. 2008 will, I’m fairly certain, be a year without debt.

Things are getting better. I think it will make me feel years younger to be free of debt, and free of the fear of getting evited the *day* I stop working. (once I get my debts paid off, I will build up a 3-month cash cushion before doing anything extravagent.. )

(maybe)

I’ve been trying to kick myself back into gear on the EV project, but it’s just not as fun when there’s no one to share it with. I should try and get Chris Mish and Josh sucked back in if possible, if not find new friends to share it with. Right now I’ve got all the packet management code written and I’m stalled on the *initialization settings*. (Actually, I also need to get a new STK500 as I have yet again blown all of mine – those stupid things are *way* too fragile.. okay, so I should use isolaters on my serial ports and isolated power supplies – no one’s perfect!)

I’ve been liking my life more – now when I think of suicide, it’s with a sense of ‘how stupid that would be’.

I miss parts of Seattle, but honestly, I’m glad I got out. People with tendancies towards depression should not live there.

You are The Sun

Happiness, Content, Joy.

The meanings for the Sun are fairly simple and consistent.

Young, healthy, new, fresh. The brain is working, things that were muddled come clear, everything falls into place, and everything seems to go your way.

The Sun is ruled by the Sun, of course. This is the light that comes after the long dark night, Apollo to the Moon’s Diana. A positive card, it promises you your day in the sun. Glory, gain, triumph, pleasure, truth, success. As the moon symbolized inspiration from the unconscious, from dreams, this card symbolizes discoveries made fully consciousness and wide awake. You have an understanding and enjoyment of science and math, beautifully constructed music, carefully reasoned philosophy. It is a card of intellect, clarity of mind, and feelings of youthful energy.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

‘Feather of a Dream’
Wheels of Autum

High as a kite
and I don’t think I’ve felt this way before
long crazy night
feels like everything is stuck togeather
since when are there two moons up in the sky?

[chorus]

and my mind keeps on barely learning about all there is to know
as the world keeps on twirling, whirling..
along a path that’s headed straight into the sun
there’s more than one
the wheel has spun

Ali Baba and the golden snake of wonder
in a basket by his side, the ruler of Islam
Ali Baba and a sitar made of thunder
on a carpet high up in the clouds

Feather of a dream
feather of a dream
feather of a dream, of a dream

[return to verse]

Might as well fly
Feels like i’m floating but I’m sitting down
like a pillow wrapped up in a wall of sound
No need to try
trying’s always being done and if you want too long you’ll never get to run

[chorus]

[jam]

[chorus]

[10 minutes of jam]

A feather of a dream
dreams or real or so it seams
love is but a mystery like a feather of a dream (repeats 3X)

Seriously, if you like Grateful Dead, you should check out those tracks. I realized after listening to Dead and Phish that

a: Phish isn’t really as much like the Dead as I thought
b: These tracks are much more like Grateful Dead than Phish – in fact, I swear Headlights’s jam session sounds exactly like a Dead jam session. (Although, as Kayti points out, the Dead were first, which makes them special)                

(this track is at http://www.sheer.us/stuff/wheels_of_autumn/Wheels_Of_Autum.Feather_Of_A_Dream.mp3.mp3 )

So, I’ve been steadily craigslisting off redundant and excessive hardware.. we moved from a 1500 sq foot house to a 1200 sq foot house, and that 300 sq feet somehow ended up all as stuff in my garage.. so as I craigslist, I can slowly see the amount of space in the garage increasing. What’s tricky is to know what I will and won’t regret selling – some things are obvious, like the Studio logic keystation 88 pro – memorable mostly because I used it as a master controller for two shows of MC, and also because I really, really hate it. Unfortunately, so does everyone else, so even though I’m selling it for half the new price and including a hardshell case, no one has yet bought it. Part of the problem is that I have to answer honestly when they ask if it will be good for (for example) practicing piano. About the only thing I think it’s good for is someone who wants to play synth lines in Reason or something similar – frankly, I’m amazed at the thing’s ability to suck. However, since I can’t make myself throw it out, this means I may be stuck with it until the end of time… *sigh*..

However, there are things where it’s far less clear whether I should craigslist them.. I have two electric guitars – a fender squire and a Jackson dinky reverse.. I don’t really like the Fender that much.. but it was my first electric guitar, and when I took it out to photograph it, I just couldn’t make myself put it on craigslist. Ditto with my Roland guitar-style keyboard – I will never need it unless I actually play in another band that does stage shows, which doesn’t seem that likely – still, it was *hard* to get, a special order item, and I really don’t want to sell it off. Ditto that MIDI pedalboard – I can’t play organ pedals with my feet very well, and I never have enough space to really set it up.. but there’s always that dream of learning..

I’m a horrible packrat. I’ve finally convinced myself that if I’m not using a peice of hardware, and I could easily buy it later, I should sell it – I’m *out* of space, and I really need to lighten my load.. I’ve been deliberately pricing stuff low in the hopes that it will move fast, and some of it does and some of it doesn’t.. many of these things apparently only I think are incredibly cool (like a 12U 8-stereo-channel summing mixer)

As most of you know, I was in a band, Mischief Committe, that did live jam electronica. As such, I tried many, many beatboxes, drum machines, samplers, etc. I bought much gear on ebay. As it happens, I bought one peice of gear right before my spending days came to a end because of my plunge into debt that I never got around to checking out.

I found it the other day while I was digging through stuff to find the stand for my favorite digital mixer – it’s a XL-7 by E-mu.

In theory, it should be just another sound module / sequencer combo. Except that it has the following features that put it heads-and-shoulders above any other I’ve ever used

1) Can save a pattern while in playback
2) 16 track recorder, any of the 16 tracks can be assigned to *any internal or external* source, and it has *TWO* MIDI outputs
3) Can toggle between recording and playback on the fly
4) Can toggle between quantizing input and not quantizing input on the fly
5) Can load it up with E-Mu option ROMS – I had several that needed homes, and so now I have the XL-1, QROM, and Planet Earth sampleset internal

Now it is true that it, like my Access Virus, takes up far more than it’s share of rack space – just like the virus, it’s like 10U. But, I think it’s worth it. I had to remove my Halcyon voice processer, but my singing is truly crappy anyway and it’s definately more in the cagagory of a fun toy than something I would ever use at a show.

That said, I’m wondering if any of you are interested in a WSHR broadcast – just like the old school ones, only missing Tory and Alex – you’d have to deal with my rather warped notions about rhythm, but if I can find 3 interested listeners, I will schedule a date and do one.. IDM/trance