Never been one to let the carrier drop

It’s hidden far away
But someday I may tell
The tale of mental tangle
When into your world I fell

Without you now I wander,
sulking, secretly afraid
In your grasp, the fears don’t last
Though some of them have stayed

—————————-

Life’s like a movie..
write your own ending
Keep beleiving
Keep pretending
You’ve done just what you set out to do..

I had a really difficult night last night.. but I think I’m better now. At least somewhat better. I keep waiting for this to stop hurting.. defriending P. didn’t actually work because I still peek at her journal via URL, reading about her romantic getaways with J… I’m so stupid.

And I’m happy for her, that she’s moving on and finding her happy ending.. or at least happy next chapter.. and it’s about time I did so as well. Although.. it’s been less than a month, I think I can somewhat be forgiven for being unhappy. But can I be forgiven for calling, IMing, and emailing so many people last night?

Who knows. I presume my friends will tell me when I need to sit down and shut up. Actually, one of them kinda did last night 😉 But sometimes, you know, that’s just what you need to be told.

Humans are so silly. Can I pull a Aster, and become a flower? 😉 Actually, I think I’d rather be a dolphin.

Which File Extension are You?

Yep.

I don’t know.

But the next few weeks promise to be… interesting.

S.

A bunch of brig spods are coming to fluffy *bounce*

Sleep seems to again be eluding me. I miss P. horribly. I thought I was over this.

Everything comes in waves.. cycles.. it’s amazing how cyclic the universe is.

We’re playing a house party in Wedgewood tomorrow, and from all appearances it is going to be truly memorable. I just hope it’s not *too* memorable.. some of the described entertainments sound pretty intense. I can’t tell when these people are serious and when they’re joking, but if I come back with my pubic hair dyed and cut in the shape of a question mark, I guess we’ll know the answer to that.

It’ll probably just be a house party like any other, and they’re probably just trying to see how gullible I am. But.. well, you never know. Anyway, it’s another chance for MC to play, and I’m glad of that..

I wish I wasn’t so sad right now.

If it does turn out that LJ leans left, I find that very amusing. So literate people who aren’t afraid to share their lives with strangers are leftist? Imagine that!

It appears Chickenhead/Tony is going to make good on the generator. They’re paying me back on a 5 month schedule.

S.

This morning seems to be harder morning to wake up than most. I got awoken by a phone call at 9:40.. I haven’t checked my voicemail yet, but I can rest assured that it’s the Phoenix people.

I don’t know what to do about them. They seem to have fallen into this mode where they believe I work for them and they are my top priority.. when in fact neither of these things is true. The temptation to scream ‘leave me alone’ at them is very real.. but yet, it’s really not their fault. They’ve been asked to do something they don’t have the resources (or, I would argue, the knowledge at times) to do..

I don’t know. I’ll call them back when I wake up a little more. At least my dreams last night didn’t feature spiders. [My dreams the night before did, in fact.. feature really big spiders, and P.. they were not happy or pleasent dreams]

I did finally take P. off my journal friends list. Her latest post was about her plethora of activity partners.. and aside from mentioning Justin, and in the initial-style that she used to mention me in, which upset me, it also felt like a criticism of me that I never did anything, or something, which upset me further. So I did the sane thing and clicked delete.. and that upset me too, but at least now I can look at my friends page without fear. In a month or so I’ll probably re-add her. When I’m over all this.

This is taking longer than it really should to get over, IMHO..

I’m also really tired of tiptoing around *myself* for fear of offending myself.. I mean, last night I apologized to Jessie for not being able to pick up his system today, despite the fact that I had zero advance notice and would have been doing him a huge favor. This is *pathetic*. Where did my spine go, and can I buy a synthetic one?