Never been one to let the carrier drop

And then, I feel Jonny.

Halfway between Sheer and Jonathan, he did survive. He’s still within my neural net. He loves to dance. That’s about all I know about him at this point. Sometimes I wonder if he will ultimately win out over Sheer, because he does not know what a boundery is. The idea scares me. Oh, god, there’s still a 16 year old who has only been kissed once inside my neural net. I can’t decide.. do I keep him caged, or do I let him see the light of day? It might be he would be a better musician than Sheer. He’s the one who would never care about being paid, who would be playing to a empty club just because he loves playing with sound. He’s the one who would dance alone in his room because he loved to dance even when there was no one there.

Okay. Fine. I do have DID. Vicky-future isn’t DID, but I do have DID. Or maybe just a really active imagination.

Unlike my suicidal side, I don’t want to remove Jonny in the process of purging the not-good-idea stuff from my neural net. He’s beautiful in his own way. He’s so worried about being ‘cool’ and has no idea that he’s sitting next to someone who made it not even matter whether he was cool or not because he got so good at something that people were in awe of him. I really wonder what advice he’d have about my current prediciment. Leave a rose on her doorstep? That might be tricky when I don’t know her address and .. come to think of it, that would not actually violate any rules that I know of. I just don’t know how I’d pull it off.

Of course, I have no idea if she ever knew they were from me. I don’t think we ever talked about it.

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