Never been one to let the carrier drop

This morning seems to be harder morning to wake up than most. I got awoken by a phone call at 9:40.. I haven’t checked my voicemail yet, but I can rest assured that it’s the Phoenix people.

I don’t know what to do about them. They seem to have fallen into this mode where they believe I work for them and they are my top priority.. when in fact neither of these things is true. The temptation to scream ‘leave me alone’ at them is very real.. but yet, it’s really not their fault. They’ve been asked to do something they don’t have the resources (or, I would argue, the knowledge at times) to do..

I don’t know. I’ll call them back when I wake up a little more. At least my dreams last night didn’t feature spiders. [My dreams the night before did, in fact.. feature really big spiders, and P.. they were not happy or pleasent dreams]

I did finally take P. off my journal friends list. Her latest post was about her plethora of activity partners.. and aside from mentioning Justin, and in the initial-style that she used to mention me in, which upset me, it also felt like a criticism of me that I never did anything, or something, which upset me further. So I did the sane thing and clicked delete.. and that upset me too, but at least now I can look at my friends page without fear. In a month or so I’ll probably re-add her. When I’m over all this.

This is taking longer than it really should to get over, IMHO..

I’m also really tired of tiptoing around *myself* for fear of offending myself.. I mean, last night I apologized to Jessie for not being able to pick up his system today, despite the fact that I had zero advance notice and would have been doing him a huge favor. This is *pathetic*. Where did my spine go, and can I buy a synthetic one?

Last blackberries of the summer
Bittersweat, like my memory
A time to push things forward
A time to let things be
I build forward from each moment
Looking up into october skies
Time to lay this dream down to rest
It hurts, like all goodbyes

(chorus)

But there’s a time to turn backwards
And a time to look ahead
Taste the last drops of sunshine
Kill the ghosts in my head

Last kisses from a lover
Bittersweet, like all we see
Touch etched forever in motion
Love’s sweet sweat in memory
Turn to face the horizen
Of the things still left undone
Wish her happiness forever
And wish me healing, for the next one..

(chorus)

First smile from a new friend
Know it’s time to open up and fly
My life will move ever onwards
Hard as it is to say goodbye
With each new face I encounter
I fear the loss of my past
But my true friends always come around
Love is the only thing that lasts

(bridge)

Until we die
No need to say goodbye
Sometimes have to hide our faces
Sometimes hurts too much try
Until tomorrow
I’ll be standing in the rain
Sun sets on this love
But I can hold up..
And I can learn to love again..

(chorus)

that 4 1801s are just about the same length as a bed, when placed end to end..

I wonder what that would be like..

The lack-of-sleep is returning. I think I got about 5 hours last night.. But I’ll survive.. 5 hours still beats the heck out of last week..

My boss is having all sorts of problems with other people on the team. I’m behind, but getting caught up.

Depleted Uranium is turning into a *KICKASS* track.. it’s a little slow @ 120 BPM, but it’s soooo pretty.. it’s a track I’ll be proud to see my name attached to.

Yes, my very firstest rave. Okay, so it’s not a rave, apparently, it’s a party.. or is that a doof? I can’t keep all this new language straight.. but whatever the heck it is, I’m pretty sure it’s my first one. It’s also MC’s first CD! So come! Buy a CD! Tell your friends!

I was sent to outer space
To find another happy place
Now I’m left here all alone
A million miles away from home

Floating through the galaxy
All these stars in front of me
Now I’m left here all alone
A million miles away from home

—————————————

I need more cowbell 😉

Well, I guess after the physical symptoms go away, then there’s the depression to deal with. Fair enough.

Right now I feel like I just need to go lie down, but my boss is here and cracking the whip.. perhaps I should stop listening to things like ‘Sky falls down’ before this gets to be too much.

We set up one of the 1801s in the basement last night for our recording session.. oh, my god.. I (heart) my new sound system. The bass is sooo tight.. I can’t wait to see what Fluffy is like with _six_ of them.

Okay, so, background – I loaned out my generator (which was a Porter-cable H1000 – 10kW) to a group of people for burning man.

Later I learned this group of people is known as ‘Bad Vibes Crew’. (having something to do with ‘Chickenhead’) Somehow this alone unnerved me..

I had one of the people sign a peice of paper that said they were responsable for replacement or repair of the generator if anything happened to it.

Now it has apparently gone missing. I say apparently because I’m still not convinced they didn’t sell it to buy drugs.. or are holding onto it for powering their next event..

And I’m sad, because I know this will damage my trust in a lot of people, even people who didn’t have anything to do with this incident. Of course, for them, it’s mission accomplished! They’ve spread bad vibes, which, ostensibly, is what they exist to do.

I think.. and I can’t be absolutely certain.. that one of them was responsable for my hazing at The Spot / Club Fusion / whatever else it’s been called. Anyway, I know that they enjoy doing things that other people might find obnoxious or unpleasent, because they talked about how they used the generator at Burning Man to play a song on repeat play for 3 days. I understand that I have no idea what burning man is like, and that it’s nothing like I imagine it, and that this is possibly normal there.. but still..

I’m not used to not liking people.. but I don’t like them.

And I’m wondering if my trust settings for other people are correct.. and that’s scaring me too..

I’m starting to feel like saying ‘Screw Humanity’ and going off to be a hermit.

I suppose I should drive by their house and take a look at the scene of the crime, as it were.

At this point, it’s very likely that Fluffy Bunny is happening. I’ve booked the space, made arrangements for the CD duplication, lined up a crew, arranged to borrow equipment, and I’m ordering flyers tomorrow.

I’ve wanted to do this for *years*.. takin’ it back to the raves of my childhood.. back when raver wasn’t a dirty word, a party would never have more than a few hundred people, and often would cost less than a meal at the local fast-food place. Ah, nostalgia. I’ve lined up a great set of DJs, and I have no doubt that they will rock my socks off..

And, I no longer think only 12 people will show up. Probably because when posted the first version of the flyer in her journal, there was a very rapid progression of ‘I’m There!’ posts.. one person was even talkin’ about coming up from Portland..

I’m excited, I admit it. My very own fluffy trance party.. *dances around*

You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of – the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations – and don’t ever
change – the world needs more people like you.

Image Copyright Sheila Wolk (prints available
through treefreegreetings.com) – words added by
myself.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings – Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
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