Never been one to let the carrier drop

1) I’ve been really, really sick the last couple of days. Think chained-to-the-toilet, spewing-forth-from-all-orifices sick.
2) It’s occured to me recently that surely there are very few people who actually think they’re evil. I mean, presumably both Bush and Bin Laden think they’re the good guy, for example (while, as far as I can tell, neither of them is). Until fairly recently, I didn’t go around thinking I was awful, terrible, and bad. Actually, I’m not convinced I’m really *that* evil now. I just worry that other entities may have other opinions.
3) I had some really interesting thought, which I knew was worth writing here, but it got lost while I was typing the first two and glancing at a mistake on a web site Kayti found.
4) Kayti points out that I’m really obsessed with the Christian hell, as opposed to any other particular bad thing that could happen to me. I sort of associate Hell with having all sensory inputs fed the most unpleasent signals possible, alternating with all the bad memories or.. well, really, any diety inventive enough to come up with the source code for humanity could do all sorts of nasty things. She thinks I’m obsessed and I should get help. There’s something downright comic.. in a tragic sort of way.. about going to a shrink because you’re afraid God will send you to hell for picking the wrong religion of a myriad of them.

One of my more bizarre theories is that there are a bunch of gods – who somehow concatanate to make up one God – and each of them gets a chance to rescue your soul after you die (‘rescue’ as in move to another place/time). I’ve been playing with the idea that your soul is kind of like a identifier – a prime number assigned to only you, maybe – I don’t know. This is all just babble as I try to sort this out. Ignore me.

(And yes, Lara, I know that I shouldn’t be still worrying about these things. But having givin up recreational drug use, I need some way to waste large amounts of time.. ;-))

The areas I’m exploring are unknowable.. even God can’t know that *e *self isn’t running on some simulator somewhere. At some point, you just have to hope that the universe meets in the middle and love wins. I find the presense of anything as complex as humanity, or as amusing as the internet, as proof of that.

(catty comment about dubya and evil deleted)

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